How To Waste Your Time (Guest Post)

Greetings, agents!

Today, we have a special post written by Agent Red Robin, for your enjoyment.

Without further ado:

How To Waste Your Time

“Who’s Simon Lee?” Loco crossed his arms.

Red Robin gaped. “You don’t know who Simon Lee is? I have failed in my duties as your sister.” A smirk spread across her face. “He’s the guy who ate laced popcorn.”

Coco raised her head and glanced between Red Robin and Loco. “Who would stitch popcorn to lace?”

Red Robin doubled over, wheezing. “No! His popcorn knocked him out. Drugs, lady. Drugs!”

“Drug him where?” Loco smirked.

“Nooooo,” Red Robin breathed. “They drugged his food–administered chemicals to him via his nutrition!”

“What kind of stories are you reading?” Loco’s incredulous expression caused even Coco to chuckle.

After a good 30 seconds, Red Robin recovered her composure enough to process what Loco asked. She paused and tilted her head.

“Well… I didn’t actually read the book.” She hid another smirk. “Stormy and NarniaQueen were talking about it on the writer’s group.”

Loco rolled his eyes. “You and your insane writer friends.”

“Yup! At least I’m not afraid to eat popcorn.” With that, Red Robin remembered the lumpifying gravy in the kitchen.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

What do you call a man without a body and without a nose?

………

Nobody Nose.

Every time I try to recite the alphabet, I get lost at “c."

When does a joke become a dad joke?

………

When it becomes “apparent”.

I once dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

Why does ten plus ten equal eleven plus eleven?

………

Because ten plus ten equals twenty, and eleven plus eleven equals twenty-too.

What do you call a fish with no eye?

………

Fsh.

At first I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?

………

Because if they flew over the bay, we would call them bagels.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

………

Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

What has more letters than the alphabet?

………

The post office.

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

………

Because then it would be a foot.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

………

Nacho cheese.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

………

Because he was outstanding in his field.